so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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