I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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