There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
