i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
