he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
