i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
