i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
