hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize