I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
