I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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