Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
