But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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