I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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