And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
