hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
