How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Semen is not good for contacts.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
