Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
