So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
