How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
