all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
