I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize