Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize