He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
