wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
