Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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