I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
