So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
