apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
