Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
