spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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