Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
