my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
