Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
