Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
