I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
