ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
