Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize