if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
