only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
