Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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