Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize