I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
