I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
