whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
