So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
