whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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