Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
A bitchslap is in order.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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