hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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