It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
