I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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