I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
