Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
