So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
