his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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