My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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