i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Mom said you looked used
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
