He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
