Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
