All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize