the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
