just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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