The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
