How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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