do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
