Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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