he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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